1 year, 6 months and 9 days later.

What happened on June 25th 2009 in Los Angeles?

Well, it was the day that Michael Jackson passed away.

Due the ongoing trial against his doctor Conrad Murray I cannot say that he killed him, but I am pretty sure it was his fault.

So, I remember that day like it was yesterday, the 26th, German time you know.

I wasn't in school, everyone hated me so I tried to stay away from it as much as I could. I slowly went to the living room that my father had built when he moved back in 10 days ago as he married my mother for the second time.

When I turned on TV I switched around as fast as I could to get to the music channel, but hey, there were pictures of Michael Jackson everywhere...Sat.1 morning show had a picture of him in black and white and so I switched back.

"Yes, we also can't believe it, but Michael Jackson is dead." They showed his corpse in the ambulance car, the crying fans and the hosts wore black, the whole studio was only black and they repeated it for hours. I couldn't switch away. I was shocked. I sat there on this couch with an open mouth. Michael, to me he was immortal. When I was little my mom used to tell me who he was and in 2007 I became a fan...untill my friends told me I would embarrass myself...I stopped caring only to find out that it was totally wrong. But I was just a 12 year old child, please forgive me!

Anyway, after about 3 hours my mom came home from work to have a break. I told her "MOM MOM MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD!! I CANT BELIEVE IT!!" and she told me she knew it already. She was shocked about it, but just went back to work. Then I called my friend who was in school all that time and she told me: "I know." I called another friend but she only replied "So what, a musician less." Was I the only one who was shocked? I kept on watching the music videos all day, and although I never watched Thriller cause I was scared of it I watched it, for Michael! I went online and did alot of research about him for the next few days and I couldn't get bothered to get ready. I didn't eat anything for 4 days until my mom forced me to eat a joghurt, and that was my meal for the next 2 weeks. A Joghurt per day. I was too sad and shocked to eat. On the 27th I started crying. Everyday. And on the 7th of July I watched the Memorial service. In my room, alone. I wore black clothes and stood in front of my TV, not daring to sit down or even move. When the women began to sing "We are going to see the King" and they brought the casket in, I was about to faint. I have never fainted in my life and I've seen my mother fighting for the life of my uncle, I've carried my uncles ash to his grave...well let's just say I've seen alot more than this. But in this moment my legs started to shake, my whole body was cold and tears ran down my cheeks which became thinner, cause of my weight loss. It was like I would stand in front of the immortal, in front of the biggest thing ever!

I stood during the whole memorial service and cried, when Brooke Shields told us to smile for Michael I had to force my face to do so and when Paris cried I screamed "NOOO!" and broke down to the floor, crying...The next day at school someone said "One child molester less" and for the first time I dared to say something against it. I shouted "FUCK YOU YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" and she apologized, telling me she didn't know what else to say.

My family understood my sadness at first, but then it all changed. They didn't even seem to care. I lost about 24 pounds of fat, I spent my day like this:

7:00 getting up for school without putting on makeup or doing my hair

01:00 coming back home going into my room, closing the lights and listening to Michael, drawing Michael.

04:00 or any other time in the late afternoon: looking at a picture of the casket and crying for hours, desperately screaming for death.

09:00 going to bed, praying for death.

The man who I just talked about in the beginning, my father, made it worse. He kept calling me insane, he talked to my dog and told him "Hey Jacko!! You are not dead are you?" He knew it hurt me. He called me a dirty slut. And so I stopped talking to him.

The only one in my family who accepted me for being a fan, was my mother. She didn't say positive things but also no negative things.

I signed up for facebook and because my profile picture was Michael, a fan added me. She told me about MJ and it was good to talk about him to her, she listened, she understood and we were able to share our sadness. A lot of fans added me.

One of her, is my best friend. She lives in Serbia and will visit me in Spring. Another one lives in London, I had the opportunity to visit her and her family, it was the best time of my life! Some fans were so desperate that they wanted to die. Me too, until November and since than I tried to help those fans. We were a strong family, sister and brothers and we understood each others. We were agains the tabloids that destroyed Michael, we protested against shows that portrayed him in a bad way.

This year, Fans have seperated. Some are so called "BeLIEvers" who believe MJ is still alive. Some are "Non-BeLIEvers" who know he is dead. Some buy the new album, some don't. Some believe that the Illuminati killed MJ, some think Murray killed him. I am just a fan and I don't care what other fans think, I accept their opinions and I love them no matter what.

Sometimes we get back to being a unit again. When it comes to demonstrations against the airing of MJ's autopsy, when a celebrity says something bad against "our" Michael. Michael taught us to love.

You can call me crazy, but since I am a fan a lot has changed!
I don't judge people anymore, I don't swear that much, I care about the world and want to make a change, I learned what love is, I know what good music is and I became a much friendlier person. Ask my family, ask my friends. I went through a rough time but Michael is worth every pain.

So, 1 year, 6 months and 9 days later, I found out that the man who called himself my father is/was an abusive a**hole, I know who my real friends are, I became a better person. The Life of everyone has changed in a way. And by the way, my english is much better now!

Sakineh

Have you heard of Sakineh Ashtiani? No? Then read this, please!

Sakineh Ashtiani is a 42-year old mother of two children who lives in Iran.

LIVES is the point, cause maybe she will be dead soon.

She was sentenced to death by stoning for adultery and murder of her husband.

She claims that she was forced to admit it and honestly, I believe her.

If you would live in a country that kills you if you have sex with another man, would you be that stupid and do it? And why would she kill the father of her children?

Well, even if she did it, which I clearly believe she didn't, that doesn't give Iran the right to kill her.

Especially not in such a BAD way! I will explain it to you:
STONING is a way that is often used for executions in Iran.

The women is put into a hole that goes up to her hips, so she can't move, her arms are buried in this hole aswell. Now, people can take stones and throw it at her till she is dead. The rule is that the stones can't be too small cause that would cause more Pain than "neccesary", she would die too slowly, the stones can't be too big cause she would be dead too early. I can't even imagine how much it has to hurt, physically and mentally, and I can't imagine how people can even have fun at killing people with stones, like in the middle ages.

Now I don't want to say Iran is a bad country in general, all I want to say is that it is ABSOLUTELY NOT RIGHT to execute people, especially NOT for this, especially NOT this way!

So, Sakineh's lawyer and one of her sons are in Jail at the moment aswell. Why?

Two german journalists were in Jail for reporting about that. Why?

And Sakineh? She is still in prison, they already whipped her with !!99!! whippings as her first sentence, now she awaits her death, either due hanging or maybe due stoning.

Please, if you have any kind of sense for justice sign the petition to save Sakineh from her certain death!

http://ow.ly/33s6r <----CLICK and save Sakineh!

L.O.V.E. Patricia

Fame?

"Would you like to be famous?" is a question almost everyone heard before.

I did. And I must say I really can't decide and this is the reason:

Being famous can be wonderful, you get the chance to get peoples attention for the problems in the world. If you are famous, they will listen to you and maybe make that change.

Also, you can donate the money you earn to good causes.

I can't forget to mention that you can show the people of the world that YOU can do something, you can do it so good, that people know you for that. You get love from all around the world, and of course you can afford so much more with your money. You can buy a mansion, you can dress up like a queen!

But on the other hand..

Think a second about Michael Jackson. What comes to your mind?

Perv? Pedophile? Weirdo? Skeleton robot? White?

Well, that is what a lot of people think of him.

Too many.

The tabloids caused this. I did so much research and NONE of this is true.

99,9% of all the stuff the press says is not true. They make up stories that destroy famous people. Good news don't sell, bad news do. Think about that:
You're in a shop and there are two magazines. One cover says: Paris Hilton had sex with 10 girls. One of them talks exclusive to us. Paris the sexslave...

The other cover says: Paris Hilto visits Hospital and donates 10000$.

Which one would you buy? I honestly would buy the first one, cause it just sounds more interesting. And we human beings get happy when we can slander about other people. This is just our nature...

And, I would have no privacy as a celebrity. Paparazzis following everywhere, haunting you and catching you without Makeup.

People crowding around you, which can be wonderful at times, but sometimes it just isn't.

So, would you like to be famous?

My brother.

I recently talked to my older brother Miguel, who is 27 and experienced a lot in his life, for example moving from Bolivia to Germany, losing his father who stayed in Bolivia, seeing him for the first time after 17 years, having a new stepfather, getting attacked by him, and so much more.

Now, a lot of things happened between and after all of that.

So much, that he doesn't want to talk to our mother anymore. He doesn't want his family anymore cause they "don't do him good" and he wants to be happy.

Well, I somehow understand him, but on the other hand, I don't get how you could ever leave your family behind. I know what it is like to lose a father, he's not dead, nor is he far away, to be honest, he's about 50 meters away in another room. I know what it is like to suddenly feel hate for someone, cause he did something wrong, but our mother?

Our mother went through so much more than you can imagine. She married with 17, got her first child with 18, had 4 misscarriages after that, my brother Miguel after that, my other brother Jorge was not even born when she went to Germany, pregnant in month 8. Alone, with nothing but almost 3 children, in a country where she couldn't even talk to anyone although she's german, having no money. Marrying an abusive and addicted man, who happens to be my father and my brother Patrick's aswell. Divorce, back together, breaking up, marrying and now, hopefully, a divorce. This is the reason he doesn't want to talk to her anymore, because she decided to take back the man who got her into so much trouble, I would like not to go deeper into this, but I can tell, he is the devil. And there is really no person on earth that I "hate" as much as him. Well, I'd say "hate" is a very strong word, let's say I just REALLLY dislike him and sometimes it goes into hate. He also scares me, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he would kill someone...

Anyway, my brother doesn't talk to my mom anymore and I had to search for almost 5 years to get the connection to him back and I must say... I don't understand him.

I know he is a very strict person, I know he is about work, intelligence and knowledge.

But what I didn't know is that those events changed him so much.

He told me to give up in trying to change my family. I told him I won't.

He told me I should first think about myself and then other people. How could I ever put myself in the first position? I want to change the world, and that starts with my family.

Sadly, I am one of the few people who talks to everyone in the family. And my family is big!

My mother doesn't talk to my brother, cause he said she killed our granduncle. The opposite is right, she saved his life after my uncle made him become even more ill.

My family is very strange, but as I said before, I will never ever stop trying to make Peace between them and telling them my opinion. You can either call me insane, like my brother does, or you can do your part and try to make Peace between people.

Well, that's it for now.

L.O.V.E. Patricia

Life goes on?

"Life will go on after MJ passed away, you will see!" That's what many of us fans heard.

Did it really?

Well, the clock still ticked, and the seasons still changed.

But Life went on?

No.

Time stands still.

We, the fans remember MJ in 1994 at the NAACP-Awards, we remember him on a date with Madonna, we remember him in an orphanage with little children, we remember him in so many ways. To us time stands still, Michael all around, always and forever!

It's true, I became older and so did the others but Michael will stay forever young, in our hearts he will always be there and so Time stands still.

It does, you as Non-fan can't see it, probably, but believe me, it does!

Who is Michael Jackson?

Hey!

Michael Jackson...Everyone knows him, 77% of the world population does and just 11% know Jesus!

But WHO is this man?

A weirdo? A pedophile?

NO, nothing but the greatest human being to ever walk this earth!

The thing is just, the press is after famous people, so they can write storys and sell their papers, MJ was, is and will always be the most famous person on this planet and so they were after him the most, invented storys and because it's the media, everyone believes them. But this is the wrong way! Read the real storys, listen to him, to his friends and not wannabe "insiders"!

Well, to continue, people don't know alot about him so I want to tell you a little bit.

His music:

No doubt, Michael was the music, he is the music, he is the beat. Remember "Thriller" the most sold album in history, remember "BAD" the 2. most sold album of all times, all the beautiful songs, with a real meaning like "Man in the mirror", his music's got a meaning not just repeating stupid lyrics like "If you think I'm sexy give me give me give me give me your fatass body". The music of him has got a real beat, a real voice, an angel voice and so much more. "Off the wall" was released in 1979, 31 years ago and still, I love to listen to it, great music is forever not just for a year!

His dance:

Well, Michael Jackson invented the dance, remember the moonwalk? The first time I saw this I thought it would be a magic trick, and it still seems like one today, it is magic, but no trick!

Think about the crotch grab, the media put him down and said it's pervert, but look what people are doing now? Halfnaked teenagers have sex in their videos and singers throw plastic bodyparts off stage, and the crotch grab was pervert? Well, this is ridicoulous!

I can't say anything more about his dance than: HE IS THE DANCE!

Him as humanitarian:

Lots of people don't know what Michael Jackson did for the poor people in this world, and for our planet! He went on stage every night at the Victory tour with his brothers and donated all his proceedings from it to charity, he invited ill children to Neverland every 3 weeks so they could enjoy their childhood, he even had beds in his movie theatre so the children who can't sit could watch the movies too. He donated more than 250.000.000. $ during his life, maybe even more and had his own foundation to "Heal the world". His song "Man in the mirror" was sold many many times and the proceedings from it went to charity aswell. Don't forget "We are the world" or "What more can I give".

Him as father:

His children were hidden behind masks, people said MJ is crazy cause he did so. But was he? No, nobody knew how the children looked like so they could go out without anyone knowing who they are, without anyone wanting to kidnap and kill them. Now, without the masks they are in the public eye all time, everyone knows them and everyone could say "Oh, I'm going to kidnap them, well, maybe kill or stalk them!".

Paris said herself, her daddy was the best. He actually did anything for his children...They are humble, smart and polite. What more do I have to say?

He as human:

-He believed in god very strongly

-He was all about love

-He spread love

-He was amazing, I can't count everything! You need to see an interview of him

-He loved children

The rumors:

It was said Michael Jackson slept in a hyperbaric chamber because he donated the money he got when Pepsi burned his head to a burn center and layed in the chamber to see how those persons have to feel like. It was said he wanted to buy the elephant man's bones because he looked at them. It was said he bleached his skin because he had a skin disease called Vitiligo that destroys the pigmentation of your skin and he covered it with makeup, it was said he had 40 surgerys when he had just 3 or 4. It was said he sexually abused children, because he allowed ill kids to spend some time at Neverland, his home, they blackmailed him...Because he wanted to help! Did you know that Jordan Chandler, the accuser of 1993 said it was a lie that MJ abused him when his father commited suicide because he couldn't take what he did to MJ?

Did you know that Gavin Arvizo, the accuser of the 2003 allegations, and his mother are known for spamming celebrities and that there's a phone call in which his father's talking to Jordan Chandlers dad, saying "We're so gonna get money out of him, hahaha!"? Did you know that Tom Sneddon, the district attorney of Santa Barbara, faked proves to "prove" Michael is guilty?

Well, there is so much more to say about a man who was simply awesome but haunted by everyone because of grief, jeallousy and ignorance...
I hope I changed your mind a bit and you're open minded now.

Remember, it's all for L.O.V.E.

Rest in Peace Mr. Michael Joseph Jackson, you are my hero. ♥